| | It sounds like a disgrace to the gift of life to say, but I have come to terms with the idea of dying tomorrow. I am okay with the idea. I do not wish death upon me -- there is much I still wish to experience -- but I am okay with today being my last, if that is in store for me. I have been gifted with this ever-so-elusive and wondrous 'life': I have cursed life, considered taking [my] life, rejoiced in life, been granted the opportunity of knowing others in life, encountered so many mysteries, thus far, in life. How many of them can I honestly say I've found the answers to? Not many, if any at all. Do answers even exist to the questions I perpetually bring to conscious thought? Who knows. But searching -- my dear God, searching has been greater than discovery. The search has humbled me to the realization that I am nothing in this form. Do I know if discoveries lie somewhere? It's not relevant to my human condition. What is relevant is the fulfillment the searching, the passion to be, brings to me.
I am not writing this to state that I am done with what life has to offer. Such a statement would be a disgrace and disservice to the wonder and unabridged mystery of living. I haven't even begun my second lap, if I am gifted enough to remain alive for awhile longer. There remains endless landscape to explore, and I am humbled and deeply grateful for the opportunity to tread it. The purpose in this reflection is to reaffirm to myself that I will continue to search, to love, to worship, to breathe, to cry, to seethe, to humiliate myself, to suffer, to question, to wander.
One of my favorite quotes from the band Winds is, "Beyond the world I wandered to find a birth in my death, and at the crown of my journey, I saw dawn from far away." The more I think about this line, the more I don't know if a perceivable crown to my journey exists here on Earth... and the less it matters. In fact, the journey in its entirety may be the crown if I let it be. I am so humbled by the beauty and severity of life, so grateful to have the opportunity to explore its terrain. May each day be equivalent to a lifetime, with every dawn signifying the beginnings of existence and every sunset signifying the end. What a glorious sunrise, what radiating light--- but also, what beautiful stars await the twilight sky, and what an empowering moon shines amidst even the darkest night. |
| | Posted 3/17/2009 2:08 AM - 1 View
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
